Monday, July 30, 2007

5 Reasons Why The White Stripes Suck

Hopefully I'm not the only one, but I think the White Stripes aren't all that great of a band. In fact I think they suck.

#5 What The Hell Are Their Songs About?


Lets think of a few, 'Hardest Button to Button' immediately comes to mind. What the hell are they singing about? I don't know, and quite frankly, I really don't care, I can't put up with their music long enough to find out.

#4 Only Two Instruments

They have a guitar and drums. I understand wanting to be different. Most people are different because they are better, but this is just ridiculous. You can't really get all the complex with two instruments, and it shows in their music.

#3 Jack White Sounds Like Crap

Have you ever heard any live clips of this guy singing? To me it sounds like someone took a crap in his mouth and hes trying to sing with it there. He can't sing live, without digital re mastering it sounds like an amateur is on stage. Let me know when he hits puberty and then maybe I'll give him another shot.

#2 One Note Concert

There is a clip on the internet in which they play a one note show. Who could be cruel and mean to their fans? The White Stripes, thats who.




#1 Bart Simpson is a Better Drummer Then Meg White

As shown here, Bart Simpson absolutely destroys the White Stripes in a battle of the bands per say. If that isn't a good enough reason for you then your too far gone to save.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Uh, I understand that you don't like the White Stripes but you've made some mistakes in your criticism.

1) They have drums as well - that makes 3 instruments. Plus Jack plays other instruments (on album and live) including piano, synth, marimba.

2) There is no "digital reengineering" of Jack's voice 'cause they use all analog production (at least they did on their first few albums).

Encrypted said...

2 instruments...a guitar and drums. Where's the bass you reference?

Encrypted said...

Hey anonymous, what's "all analog" about a fuzz pedal or any electronic effect for guitar for that matter? False claim.

Tor said...

"1) They have drums as well - that makes 3 instruments. Plus Jack plays other instruments (on album and live) including piano, synth, marimba."

Guitar and Drums... that makes two, unless you count his voice... just about anyone else's voice might count...

"2) There is no "digital reengineering" of Jack's voice 'cause they use all analog production (at least they did on their first few albums)."

It might not be digitally remastered then, but definitely a lot of 'cut and paste' editing. He can't finish a whole note without his voice cracking.

Tor said...

"Hey anonymous, what's "all analog" about a fuzz pedal or any electronic effect for guitar for that matter? False claim."

Technically all of these effects can be done in analog but I don't see why in 2007 anyone would really want to.

Tor said...

"2 instruments...a guitar and drums. Where's the bass you reference?"

encrypted, my bad, its fixed.

Flynn said...

The white stripes are awesome, who cares what 'the hardest button to button' was about it was a great song. Also Bart Simpson only beat Meg white because the Simpson producers wanted him to. Did youseriously think that was reAl? You are a fool and a half. As for their 2 instuments, you try playing extremely good music with only 2 people. It's not that easy! Still I guess being rolling stone magazines number 17# best gutair player hepled

mr.budinski said...

if white sings like he has shit in his mouth then ur review is the equivalent of someone giving jack a frenchkiss. respect dude!

Souch said...

Totaly agree, At first I thought "7 army" was ok. But any live clips sucks a lot. They can't play music. Never saw live suck that much.

Jason Mehoffman said...

I agree with the Poster on this one. They suck..more then a Dyson factory during testing week.

Look, you have a song like Icky Thump. Where is the music complexity? One base note and one beat that doesnt change through the whole song. Yeah..musical break through's.

Lets now look at the hardest button to button?! It is the Icky Thump, with two notes and a little change up. You could teach a group of preschoolers to play something more complex. Just give them two stick and a recorder. Which would sound like that "solo" in icky thump.

Seriously..they suck. I am willing to bet those that like them, drive VW's, visit starbucks in their Birkenstocks with white socks, while on thehr apple product. It seems lilke they would fit those that need simplicity in their life.

Anonymous said...

Have to agree, though I like Jack White in interviews. He's desperately over-rated as a guitarist. Not bad as a rhythm player but inept as a lead player. Magazines like Rolling Stone rate musicians like Jack White high as "guitarists" as deliberate insults to more capable players in genres (think hard rock, metal, prog) of which their editorial staff disapprove.

Captain Howdy said...

Nobody ever talks about how Jack White ripped off Dead Moon's vocalists' sound... its about as undeniable as Owl City ripping off The Postal Service...